


Changes

by Wolfstar4evr



Series: Supernatural Oneshots [25]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Arguments, Awesome Bobby, Caring John Winchester, Grieving John, Guilty Dean, I've written this for Sam to be about twelve, John wants to be a good father, Late night talks, Pre-Series, Sam is sweet, Understanding Bobby, Upset John Winchester, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:49:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15605640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfstar4evr/pseuds/Wolfstar4evr
Summary: A late night conversation with Bobby puts a lot of things into perspective for John, and he finds himself contemplating how he's managed to fail both his children. Especially when exactly how much twelve year old Sammy knows about his mother is brought to light...





	Changes

"Johnny," Bobby greets easily, shaking the man's hand as he walks in.  
  
"Bobby," John replies tiredly, dropping his bag by the door when he enters. "How have they been?"  
  
Bobby's expression immediately turns grim as he pulls whisky and two glasses out the cupboard. John sits heavily at the kitchen table, waiting for him to speak. It's 2am, and John's hunt went textbook, so he's in a rare good mood. He's even already braced himself for Bobby's usual 'I've found this wrong with how you're raising your children' talk. But from his friend's expression, that doesn't seem like the talk he's about to get.  
  
Bobby sits with a sigh across from John, sliding a glass over with the whiskey. John takes a generous drink. "There was a fight," The man finally admits.  
  
John almost chokes on his drink. "Between the _boys_?" The other man nods sadly. Part of him wants to get John drunk for this conversation, but he feels that may just make things worse. " _Why_?"  
  
"John," Bobby says seriously, pursing his lips as he regards the other man carefully. He's lucky that John is in such a good mood; he seems relaxed enough that this might not end in a shouting match. "I need you to keep as calm as possible during this conversation, okay? I know this is painful, believe me I know, but it's important for Sam and Dean - Sam especially - that you understand the situation and are willing to listen, and you don't get angry at them."  
  
At those words John immediately knows what Sam and Dean's argument was about, and he feels that familiar flash of pain in his chest. He wants to take another drink, but he knows that the alcohol will just make him angry. He has to know all the facts first. Clenching his fists, he nods for Bobby to go on.  
  
"A few days ago, Dean mentioned that it was his mom's birthday," Bobby says, and even though John was expecting it, it still hurt desperately. Bobby continues quickly though, and doesn't let him stew. "I know it's not my place, but I thought it would be nice to acknowledge it in some way, even if just for Dean, so I took him out to a diner for some pie. 'It's in her honor' he said, and he said she used to make 'em."  
  
John can already feel tears welling in his eyes, and he clenches them shut to stave them away. He already hates this conversation, but he knows that for once he has to put his kids first. He doesn't begrudge Bobby for helping Dean celebrate his mom's birthday, he just wishes that he was man enough to do it instead.  
  
"When we got back, Sam was upset he wasn't invited to go. I've gotta admit that that's my fault too, but Sam never talks about his mom so I didn't think he'd really care. I shoulda known better," Bobby says, and John is ashamed that he hadn't thought of Sam either - hadn't even thought of where he was while Bobby told the start of the story. "Dean got mad at Sam for complaining, saying that he never gets a break from 'im and all that. Sam - quite rightly - argued that she's his mom too and he'd like to honor her memory. Dean... Look, Dean had got a bit emotional while we were at the diner, which doesn't excuse this but kinda explains it. Basically, he told Sam that cause Sam doesn't even know what their mom looks like he doesn't deserve to honour her. He also... He kind of implied that her death was on Sam, too."  
  
John can feel the blood leaving his face, and his jaw hitting the table. " _What_ _?!_ "  
  
"John," Bobby warns, holding a hand up for the hunter to remain silent. "Dean was upset, and believe me I could see he regretted it the moment he said it, and he's apologised too many time to count since then."  
  
"What did he say?" John asks, incredulous. He's had his suspicions for a while that whatever killed Mary was really there for Sam - why else would it have been in his nursery? - but it's never occurred to him to  _blame_ Sam for that, and he's not even sure he's ever let Dean know those suspicions either.  
  
Bobby shakes his head. "I didn't catch his exact wording but he made some kinda comment about how she died in Sam's room. I told him to take a walk immediately, and he did he already felt so bad about it, but it didn't stop Sam from crying himself to sleep every night since."  
  
"Shit," John hisses, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. " _Shit_."  
  
"Johnny," Bobby continues quietly. "I know I'm always up your ass about how you're raising your kids, but I've gotta put my point across about this."  
  
John just nods. He can't even look up right now, feeling the crushing weight of how badly he's failed his kids.  
  
Bobby reaches over and places a hand on his friend's shoulder, trying to be as comforting as possible. He's usually yelling at John about how he raises his kids, and as shit as this situation is he does understand. Sometimes it's so hard to even  _think_ about Karen, let alone talk about, and even though he knows John has a duty to these boys he can't imagine how much more painful it would be to have two reminders of Karen staring at him every time he wakes up, especially when one is an overly inquisitive kid who will want to know everything at one mention of her.  
  
"The things Dean said are over and done with, even though I know you'll still want to talk to him so try not to be too angry. But there's another thing that stuck out to me, and that's when Dean said Sam doesn't even know what his mom looked like." John's head shoots up at that. He'd missed that before. "I asked him about it later and it's true, Johnny. Now, I know how hard it is to talk about her, believe me, but I'm starting to think that maybe some of the issues you've been having with Sam recently might just be because he has no idea what this mission is about."  
  
John furrows his brow, folding his hands to rest his chin on them. "What do you mean?"   
  
"You and Dean know exactly what you lost that night, and exactly why it's so important that you hunt," Bobby explains patiently. "All Sam knows is that he lives in motels, going through about eight schools a year, and lives in fear of his father - and brother - not coming home every time they leave, for a woman he has never even seen a picture of his entire life. I... I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even know her name. He knows  _nothing_ about what you're fighting for, John, _nothing_."  
  
The dark haired hunter can hardly believe what he's hearing. He's talked with Dean about his mom a few times, shared stories with him and even given him his own pictures to keep. Whenever Sam has asked he's shot him down; did it so much that Sam hasn't asked in a long time. He always assumed Dean had shared everything with his brother, but apparently not...  
  
He can't begrudge Dean this, either. He puts too much on Dean's shoulders, puts him under too much stress. This fight between them was just the kettle boiling over - all the negativity Dean no doubt keeps inside helplessly spilling out at his little brother. How has he failed his kids so enormously?  
  
He's about to give in to his own grief - about to let a sob escape - when a hesitant voice sounds from the kitchen doorway. "Dad?"  
  
John turns to find Sam standing timidly in the doorway, still in a pair of Dean's old batman pajamas that are far too small for his frame. "Sammy," John says, wiping at his eyes furiously for a moment. "What are you doing out of bed?"  
  
Sam comes into the room with small steps, wringing his hands nervously. "I just wanted some water, but then I saw you were back, and..." He trails off uncertainly.  
  
John opens his arms to his son, and hates how surprised he looks. He hates how Sammy tenses up when he wraps his arms around him, but almost sags in relief when Sam eventually relaxes and hugs back. "I'm glad you're home," His little voice says, and John can feel himself crying again, right into Sammy's hair.  
  
"I'm glad too," he replies, hoping Sammy doesn't hear the crack in his voice. He smooths a hand down Sammy's hair and squeezes him tighter. Things have got to change. They've got to.

**Author's Note:**

> I may write a part two to this where John talks to both the boys? Let me know if that's something you'd like to see!


End file.
